Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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