you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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