Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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