On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
