Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
