No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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