Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
