i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
