no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
