I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
