I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
