Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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