wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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