You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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