remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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