eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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