I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
