She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
