hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
