smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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