Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
