I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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