Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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