smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize