Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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