i permit you to call me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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