Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
