awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize