does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
