i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
