I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
