You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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