He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
