i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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