he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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