genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it's like iHOP with fire
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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