she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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