im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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