i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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