dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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