the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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