Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
