I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
