smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
