I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
