i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
