i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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