I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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