Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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