fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
