At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
