If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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