I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
