You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
