so that wasnt chicken after all
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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