My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
