Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
