I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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