Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
