I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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