Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
