her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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