So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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