the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
