we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
