I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
