This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
